Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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