I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
