He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
