I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she pinky promised me she was 18
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
