apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i out mim tonsoeep
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