i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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