There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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