Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
