2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
