hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
