Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
