I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
