Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
