idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
