Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
