i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
