She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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