:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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