I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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