I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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