thus making me awesome and them whores
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
