I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
