You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
