He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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