so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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