I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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