It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
