I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I love you. Go after that dick
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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