he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Randomize
