pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm like, not good at living.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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