I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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