What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
