Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
