I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
