I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
