I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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