I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
