I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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