First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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