Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
