Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
