Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
