Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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