You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
