The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
