can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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