I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
