i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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