They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
