My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
