That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
