omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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