So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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