I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
