I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
