I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
